March 24, 2020

The French have an expression “Bon Courage”, which they say to support others through life’s hardships. Have courage! That seems to be what we all need right now: more courage, less strife; more courage, less angst; more courage, less catastrophizing.

Catastrophizing is a word that I learned recently from my daughter, who is a military spouse.  It’s all about the tricks that your mind can play on you, if you let it. For example, right now I have a cough. And I have been catastrophizing. It’s not a dry cough, I don’t think, but then maybe it is. Maybe I have Coronavirus. Maybe I will be worst case scenario. I’m close to the approaching-old-age cut-off, but I doubt the Virus actually pays attention to birthdays. So maybe I have IT, and what if I have already spread it to my parents and my son and my husband and what if he spread it to his elderly parents, and the haggard-looking cashier at Rite-Aid and the mailman. Now I do feel sick–sick at heart, and I have a head-ache.

But later I feel better, and I make Iowa ham-balls and rice for supper, a recipe of my mom’s that I haven’t made in many years, but though I haven’t had time in my quarantined state to clean the basement, I have spent plenty of pleasant hours going through old photos and cookbooks.

That’s how it goes these days–up and down. It’s always at the back of our mind. Either we are praying for doctors, nurses and custodians and thinking with dread of what they are facing, or we’re figuring our chances. Ok, maybe you aren’t, but I’m a catastrophizing kind of person, and I’ve been tiptoeing out to the cupboard at 2:00 am for a shot of Black Cherry Rum to take the edge off.

I wish I could be more like the animals around me, just living my life, living moment to moment. No worries about tomorrow, just now, just this moment, and this moment is ok.

March 25

Today my father ended up in the hospital, twice. The first time, he was examined and given antibiotics, and sent home. The second time, after falling down and not getting back up, he stayed. He is afraid that he has the Coronavirus because he shook hands with someone last week and then found out that the man had just returned from Spain. I scolded him for shaking anyone’s hand, and now I feel pretty bad about that.  Dad was tested today. No one is allowed to go see him.

After this news, I went downstairs and cleaned the basement.

This evening, my son, my dog, and I took a walk through the woods. I came home with a small black vampire resting on my shoulder, ready to dig in. My son also found one. Even the dog got a thorough bath tonight. Not a stellar day, but a day nonetheless.

March 26

Today my daughter is being tested. She has asthma and has been coughing for days. At the military base where she resides, they are taking no chances. Her family is quarantined to their house. Even if I weren’t coughing myself, I don’t think I’m allowed on base.  I can’t go help my mom either during this time when she is without my dad because of this stupid cough that I still have. I’ve never felt so helpless. Thank God for my brother, who is always a steadfast helper to my parents.

Later: Sometimes I need to stop all the words and just focus on pictures.

 

 

 

 

March 27

In an effort to become more self-sufficient during these uncertain times, and out of a desire for something positive to think about, I have ordered 15 chicks. I meant to order 8 upon the suggestion of my slightly reluctant husband, who tended hundreds of chickens in his youth, but the numbers grew as far-away family members joined in the selection process via Facetime.  After much deliberation, my sons and daughter-in-law helped me to pick out Barred Rocks, Red Stars, Black Australorps, Partridge Cochins, Pearl White Leghorns, and Golden Wyandottes. Oh, and we are getting a bonus, which I really don’t want because it will probably be a rooster, and our last experience with a bonus rooster did not end well. I love looking at the McMurray Hatchery website, reading the names, looking at the pictures, and studying the descriptions of the different breeds: buff, iridescent, speckled, groovy, red, black, white egg-laying knuckle-headed superstars.  I love the idea of getting the old coop fixed up, I love looking forward to something good! Chickens…

March 28

Heard the spring peepers for the first time last night!

 

Sent and received a Snapchat from my mom, via my sister, who is staying with her. It was great to see her face, complete with a sparkly virtual mask, and hear her cheerful greeting as she urged everyone to wash their hands. At 84, and with compromised health, she is managing to stay positive.

March 29

This is the third Sunday that I have not been able to go to church, so I have been having my own church, which has consisted of going for a hike with my dog as I play my Gospel Station on Pandora, and saying some prayers along the way. Today, however, it is raining, so I’ve been listening to NPR before I go outside. Ironically, Lulu Garcia-Navarro just interviewed a hospital chaplain, Mike Yonkers, from Seattle, Washington. He talked about how his job has changed during this Covid-19 crisis. His last piece of advice was that during these difficult times, as Mr. Rogers’s mother told him to look for the helpers, we should look for the peace-bringers, and we should try to bring peace to others.

March 30

I just read about the latest thing that people are panic-buying–baby chicks! Mea culpa.

Also, the Easter stash that I had hidden in the closet is almost gone already. (I have not been the only one eating it.)

Our book club met last night via Zoom! It wasn’t like our regular monthly meeting where we meet in someone’s cozy living room and discuss our last month’s selection while we munch on a smorgasbord of culinary delights, but it was good to see and chat with my dear friends about our latest book, which was called Harry’s Trees. Next month it will be The Girl in the Letter.

March 31

I had two Google Chat conferences, or maybe it was Google Hang-out…Google-Something,  to figure out how to start teaching without grading during this time-out-of-time. Hm. I need to catch up to the 21^stcentury. Quickly! First, I have to catch up with the lexicon: Zoom, EdPuzzle, Flipgrid, GooseChase. Some of these terms are probably already passé!

April 1

Year after year I usually send the same old joke to my 20-something off-spring that they are going to get a new baby brother or sister, but this year I sent out a purple-haired selfie Snapchat  announcing I had successfully dyed my own hair. Haha.

BingewatchedTheTigerKing. Oh, my!

April 2

Cried my way through It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. Honestly, I don’t usually cry during movies; I usually fall asleep. But tears continually streamed down my face as I watched Mr. Rogers give the reporter, Lloyd, some precious life lessons. Even though I grew up without a TV and never watched his show, I find myself wishing he were still here to lend his calm reassurance during this crisis.  As I am writing this, I just googled Mr. Rogers and watched some clips of his speeches, and here I am crying again!

April 3

The Pandemic has now caught up with over 1,000,000 people world-wide. We are living in very shaky times. I’m doing an awful lot of praying these days, short little begging prayers as I’m washing the dishes or folding the laundry: God, please help the healthcare workers; be with the farmers who are having to dump their milk; help the custodians and grocery store workers; be with the fragile couples who are struggling to stay civil to each other in their cramped existence; especially, God, please be with their children; God, please be with my family, friends, students; Dear Lord, please be with the people who are dying alone. That’s the hardest one to think about.

In my own life, at the moment things are looking up. My daughter’s test came back negative, and she is free to take her little daughters out the front door and for a walk, something she will never take for granted again. She said people in the neighborhood have put stuffed animals in their windows to give the children something to look for as they walk. This makes my heart glad. My dad is home and getting around pretty well, even taking Amy the beagle for walks.  My cough is better, and I could not ask for better quarantine partners! I’m figuring out my lessons that my students only have to do if they want to. No assignments will be mandatory; there will be no grades, at least for this week. That might change next week.  In a way this no-grades teaching makes things easier. My question for myself: how to make my lessons so interesting that my students can’t wait to do the next one.  In these times, as questions go, that’s not such a bad dilemma to have to figure out.

So I’m going to end this public journal now, while things are on the upswing here.

Thank you for reading. Bon Courage!